wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
