you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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