I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
