I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
