Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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