If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
