Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
