she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
