So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
