rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
