Just mADE A PArabola og urine
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
