he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
