Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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