Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
