When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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