Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
