i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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