I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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