FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
