Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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