I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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