yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
