last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
