lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
