Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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