office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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