Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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