I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Randomize
