now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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