Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
