i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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