Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
