But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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