I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
