I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
