Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
