He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
