Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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