am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
