You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize