My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
