after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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