You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
