guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
