I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
