end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
People in love make me want to vomit
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
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