I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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