Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
