I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
