I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Non-Jews are for practice
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
