You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
