Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
