'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
