I'm jealous of your bromance
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
