dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
