I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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