Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There r osticjed everywhere
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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