the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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