you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
