he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
