if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
