I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
