Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
