he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
