I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
