I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
