Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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