I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
