She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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