so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
