Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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