I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize